Mostofusaretaughttopayattentiontowhatissaid—thewords.Wordsdoprovideuswithsomeinformation,butmeaningsarederivedfromsomanyothersourcesthatitwouldhinderoureffectivenessasapartnertoarelationshiptorelytooheavilyonwordsalone.Wordsareusedtodescribeonlyasmallpartofthemanyideasweassociatewithanygivenmessage.Sometimeswecangaininsightintosomeofthoseassociationsifwelistenformorethanwords.Wedon’talwayssaywhatwemeanormeanwhatwesay.Sometimesourwordsdon’tmeananythingexcept“I’mlettingoffsomesteam.Idon’treallywantyoutopaycloseattentiontowhatI’msaying.JustpayattentiontowhatI’mfeeling.”Mostlywemeanseveralthingsatonce.Apersonwantingtopurchaseahousesaystothecurrentowner,“ThisstephastobefixedbeforeI’llbuy.”Theownersays,“It’sbeenlikethatforyears.”Actually,thestephasn’tbeenlikethatforyears,buttheunspokenmessageis:“Idon’twanttofixit.Weputupwithit.Whycan’tyou?”Thesearchforamoreexpansiveviewofmeaningcanbedevelopedofexaminingamessageintermsofwhosaidit,whenitoccurred,therelatedconditionsorsituation,andhowitwassaid.

Whenamessageoccurscanalsorevealassociatedmeaning.Letusassumetwocouplesdoexactlythesameamountofkissingandarguing.Butonecouplealwayskissesafteranargumentandtheothercouplealwaysarguesafterakiss.Theorderingofthebehaviorsmaymeanagreatdealmorethanthefrequencyofthebehavior.Afriend’sunusuallydocilebehaviormayonlybeunderstoodbynotingthatitwasprecededbysituationsthatrequiredanabnormalamountofassertiveness.Someresponsesmaybedirectlylinkedtoadevelopingpatternofresponsesanddefylogic.Forexample,apersonwhosays“No!”toaserialsofchargeslike“You’redumb,”“You’relazy,”and“You’redishonest,”mayalsosay“No!”andtrytojustifyhisorherresponseifthenextstatementis“Andyou’regoodlooking.”

Wewoulddowelltolistenforhowmessagesarepresented.Thewords,“Ifsurehasbeennicetohaveyouover,”canbesaidwithemphasisandexcitementorritualistically.Thephrasecanbesaidonceorrepeatedseveraltimes.Andthemeaningsweassociatewiththephrasewillchangeaccordingly.Sometimesifwesaysomethinginfrequentlyitassumesmoreimportance;sometimesthemorewesaysomethingthelessimportanceitassumes.

1.Effectivecommunicationisrenderedpossiblebetweentwoconversingpartners,if___.

A.theyuseproperwordstocarrytheirideas.

B.theybothspeaktrulyoftheirownfeelings.

C.theytrytounderstandeachother’sideasbeyondwords.

D.theyarecapableofassociatingmeaningwiththeirwords.

2.“I’mlettingoffsomesteam”inparagraph1means___.

A.I’mjustcallingyourattention.

B.I’mjustkidding.

C.I’mjustsayingtheopposite.

D.I’mjustgivingoffsomesound.

3.Thehouse-owner’sexampleshowsthatheactuallymeans___.

A.thestephasbeenlikethatforyears.

B.hedoesn’tthinkitnecessarytofixthestep.

C.theconditionofthestepisonlyaminorfault.

D.thecostinvolvedinthefixingshouldbeshared.

4.Someresponsesandbehaviorsmayappearveryillogical,butarejustifiableif___.

A.linkedtoanabnormalamountofassertiveness.

B.seenasone’shabitualpatternofbehavior.

C.takenaspartofanorderingsequence.

D.expressedtoaseriesofcharges.

5.Theword“ritualistically”inthelastparagraphequalssomethingdone___.

A.withouttrueintention.

B.light-heartedly.

C.inawayofceremony.

D.withlessemphasis.